by Tomomi Yamada

"I learned about AIDS in P.E. class at school today. I could not count how many times I have studied about AIDS. I already knew about AIDS. I got tired of studying about it. What I should do is use a condom." Miki told her friend toward her home.

"Yeah, I think so too. We do not have to study about AIDS!" Her friend, Nagisa, said and kicked a pebble.

"By the way, what's up, Nagisa? What's happening with you and Daigo? Did he ask you?" Miki asked.

"Ahh... I started going out with him." Nagisa said shamefully.

"Congratulations!! I am very glad to hear that." Miki smiled.

"Thank you, Miki. I am really glad to hear that." They smiled at each other and went to Miki's house.

At Miki's house, they talked about love.

Nagisa said, "Why don't you get a boyfriend?"

"There is no good boyfriend whom I really love." Miki answered.

"Getting along with someone is very good, I think." Nagisa said, laughing,

"If I try to get a boyfriend, I can get one very soon. I just do not try," Miki replied and asked, "How many people have you gone out with so that?"

"Three. Daigo is the fourth."

"Yeah! I won! I have been out with 11 boys!" Miki said and stuck out her tongue, smiling. They talked until that night, and then Nagisa went back home.

Next day, Miki went to school. She sat down in her seat and started to talk with her friends.

"Look! He is very cool. I really like him. His face, his voice, his body... Everything is perfect!" Miki pointed at a famous actor's picture.

Nagisa came into the homeroom. Everyone said hello to her, but she did not say anything. She looked like tired and sad.

Miki and her friends told about Nagisa. "What is happened to her? Can I ask her? " "Maybe you should, but... What should I say?"

After first piriod, Miki tried to talk with Nagisa.

"Hi, Nagisa, What's up? You look tired today. Are you all right?"

Nagisa did not say anything. After a while, she stared crying.

"Nagisa? Are you OK? Can you go with me?" Miki said and took her to the rooftop. Nagisa did not stop crying.

On the rooftop, Miki did not ask anything. She just rubbed Nagisa's back. Nagisa could stop crying.

Miki said "I always stand by you. If something happen, I want to think with you. I never betray you."

Nagisa nodded and said weakly. "This is very secretly and delicate story, so... please do not tell anybody." She gazed Miki's eyes. Miki nodded. Nagisa looked her reaction and continued. "My partner, Daigo, has gone out with 9 girls. I knew about it before I started to going out with him. I did not care about it, but...." She looked like to be crying.

"If it is difficult for you to tell about it, you do not have to say. If you want to tell me, you can say." Miki said with very calm voice.

"I can not solve it by myself. I need your help."

They remained silent for a while.

"Last night, I got a phone call from him. We talked about love. He told me about his ex-friend. After that he said he has HIV..."

Miki could not say anything. She felt like a big and heavy stone had hit her head. Miki had a big secret. That was she had gone out with Daigo. It was before Miki had met Nagisa. She couldn't say about it because Nagisa said she loved Daigo before Miki told her about it. There was no chance for Miki. She was so shocked because she had loved him before and she could have HIV, too. Did she say his boyfriend had HIV? Did she have HIV? She worried about a lot of things. However, she knew she had to say something for her to cheer up.

"Did you have sex with him?" Miki asked.

"No."

"It means you are safe." Miki said to cheer Nagisa up.

"But... I feel it is dangerous to have sex with him. I really love him, but actually I felt bias. I know it is not dangerous. But... it is possible for me to have HIV, too."

"Did you remember that which we studied about AIDS in P.E. class? It is impossible to infect with HIV, if you go right way. If you use a condom, you can have sex with him. It is impossible to have HIV when you live naturally."

Suddenly, a teacher said Miki's name. "Miki Kawai. Miki Kawai. Please come to the staff room."

"What's? What did I do?" Miki said.

"Maybe you did not hand in your home work." Nagisa said and laughed.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes! When I talk with you, I can get courage and you can cheer me up. Thank you Miki!" Nagisa said and smiled.

They went back to their homeroom. There was nobody in there. They said good bye to each other and Miki went to the staff room.

On the way home, she talked to herself. "I am really tired. Why should I have to hand in my homework? He said it was not homework. Umm.... By the way, I was so surprised because Daigo has HIV. It is so close to me, isn't it? What happen to me if I have HIV? I know it is not dangerous, but I feel he and I are not safe, a little bit. I know, but..." She was so confused. "OK. What just I have to do is that I do not care about it. I can live as I lived until now. I can do it!" She tried to cheer her up, but it was just make-believe. She arrived at her house, ate dinner and went to the bed.

On the next day, she went to her school and sat down her seat. When she saw at outside, she looked Daigo and Nagisa. They looked very happy. She felt happy, but her worry was not solved.

At the P.E. class, they played basketball. Boys and girls were separated. Nagisa and Daigo were in same class.

"How can I be good at playing basketball?" Nagisa said to Miki. Miki joined to the basketball club. She was a captain of the club when she was a junior high school student. Daigo was also a captain of the basket ball when he was a junior high school student.

"Why don't you ask Daigo? He was a captain when he was a junior high school student. He is very good at playing basketball." Miki answered. Nagisa's face turned red. She gazed at Daigo who was playing basketball next court. "You love him very much. Please listen everyone, Nagisa is staring at Daigo!" Miki was only joking.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Nagisa put her hand on Miki's mouth.

Suddenly, Miki and Nagisa heard a big sound. When they looked the next court, they found some boys had fall on flat. One of them was Daigo. Many people run up to them. Daigo was injured and bleeding at his forehead. Nagisa looked him and run up to him. She tried to stop the bleeding with her towel.

Suddenly, Miki said "Nagisa, I will do it. You don't have to do it." Miki stopped her from touching his blood.

"Why?" Nagisa muttered and just looked her. Everyone who was surrounded them thought strange, because Nagisa was Daigo's girl friend. They thought Miki loved Daigo and wanted to steal him from Nagisa. Nagisa thought so, too. She couldn't say anything to Miki.

Teachers came and they took him to the nurse's office. Miki went toward Nagisa with smile and said "The teacher said he was safe."

"I felt quite relieved." Nagisa said, but she did not look at Miki and she did not look like happy. Miki felt strange, but she did not ask her.

At the lunch time, Miki wanted to have lunch with Nagisa. However, Nagisa went to somewhere, so Miki had to lunch alone. She went to the rooftop to have lunch. There was her favorite place. When she opened the door, she heard someone's voice. It was Nagisa. She hid and listened carefully.

"I suspect that Miki loves Daigo. I could not understand she stopped me to stop the bleeding. I think she is my best friend, but ... why did she stop me? I can not talk with her naturally." Nagisa said in a weak voice.

Miki was so surprised because she did not think Nagisa suspected Miki. Miki wanted to talk with her and say true thing, but she cloud not move because if she appear suddenly, Nagisa and her friend think Miki listened their story. However, Miki's legs were numb. She tried to change her posture. Clunk! She made a sound. She hit her arm on the back side.

"Are there anyone?" Nagisa's friend said.

Miki could not answer. She heard the sounds of footsteps were coming toward her. She closed her eyes and looked down.

"Miki?" Nagisa said.

Miki looked up and said "Hi." It was a very weak voice.

"Did you listen to our conversation? You are a bad girl!" Nagisa's friend said and glared at Miki.

"No! I just came here to have my lunch! I did not want to listen to your conversation!"

"But you listened to our conversation!" Nagisa's friend's voice became bigger and bigger.

Suddenly, Nagisa opened her mouth. "I think this is good time to talk with Miki. Please come with me, Miki." She did not look like angry. Her friend went to back her class.

"Do you have any secret for me?" Nagisa asked. Her expression was so serious.

"No. Why do you ask me? I think we are best friends. I always say my news and my feelings. I think you also always say your thinking. I do not think there are any secret between us." Miki answered.

Nagisa had unsatisfactory expression. "OK. I will ask you directly." She sighed and said "Do you love Daigo?"

Miki could not take her eyes off Nagisa. "No. No way. Daigo is your boyfriend. Why would I love him?"

"Why did you stop me to stop the bleeding? You did it instead of me. You said Daigo is my boyfriend. If you think so, you did not have to stop me. Everyone suspects you love Daigo and you want to steal him from me. I think so, too." Nagisa said.

Miki understood why Nagisa suspected her and said "That time, you were injured in the basketball game. You cut your hand. I thought if you touched Daigo's blood, you could also have HIV. You said you were very serious about AIDS. This is why I stopped you. I do not want to steal him from you." Miki looked Nagisa with very kind feeling.

Nagisa started crying and said "I am sorry, I am very sorry. I was wrong. Please do not dislike me."

"Don't cry, Nagisa. How can I dislike you? You are my true friend. Thank you for telling me your feeling." Miki said and rubbed a Nagisa's back. However, Miki could not say about her past to Nagisa.

When they came to class together, everyone was surprised. They thought Miki and Nagisa had had a quarrel about Daigo, but they looked so happy.

Next morning, Miki woke up to the phone ringing.

"Good morning." Miki said sleepy.

"Good morning? Do you know what time it is now? It is 10:30 am. The first class has already finished. What did you do? Are you sleeping?"

The phone call was from Nagisa. "Ah!!! Today there were no people in my house. I had to wake up by myself! I did not hear to the alarm."

"You should come to the school as soon as possible. The next class is..."

""Mr. Takagi!!!!!"" Miki and Nagisa screamed. Mr. Takagi was very famous for being fearful. Miki changed her clothes and ran toward the school.

When she entered the class, there was no Mr. Takagi. She felt relieved and sat down in her seat. At that time, a teacher entered to their class. It was not Mr. Takagi. Miki thought she had been fooled by Nagisa. She looked Nagisa, and stuck out her tongue.

After the class, Miki and Nagisa talked about Nagisa's joke.

"I was really nervous because you said the next class was Mr. Takagi's." Miki said.

"I was also surprised because you really trusted me. I wanted to say I was joking, but before, you hanged up." Nagisa said and laughed.

The next class was P.E. The teacher distributed the pamphlets to the class. It was about AIDS. Everyone said "AIDS again?" They looked like tired of studying of AIDS. There were some hotlines and inspecting places on the pamphlet. Miki thought she should check herself, but she did not have courage to check.

"You check by free. If you worry about your body, please check... Should I check? If I have HIV... I can not receive the truth." Miki said to herself. She could not decide whether she check herself.

"Nagisa, if you can have HIV, will you check?" Miki asked Nagisa after the class.

"I will check. Why do you ask about it?"

"No reason. I just thought about HIV. By the way, how did Daigo know about his HIV?"

"His mother talked about it with him. He was infected by his mother. When he was in first grade of high school, his mother said so."

Miki thought that Daigo had HIV when he was born, it means Miki also could have HIV. When Miki had gone out with Daigo, they sometimes did not use condom. It was her anxiety. She was not pregnant, but she can have HIV.

After the school, she was thinking about HIV and her body at her house. She could not decide yet. When she lay down on the bed, she got a mail.

"Who is this?" She said and checked the mail. "It is from Daigo!" She got a mail from Daigo after a long time, so she was surprised. The mail said Daigo had something to tell her, so please come to the park which was really near from Miki's house. Miki thought the park was so dear, because when she had gone out with Daigo, they had talked at there everyday. She also thought if anyone looked them, the person would suspect them.

"What is your topic?" She sent a mail to Daigo.

"About my illness." He answered. Miki thought it was about HIV. She also thought he might be worrying about Miki's body, too.

"I will go there right now." She sent a mail, changed her clothes and rushed out of her house.

It was so cold and the moonlight was so bright. When she arrived at the park, she found Daigo at there.

"I am sorry to call you at night." Daigo said.

"Don't worry about it. By the way, please tell me about your illness."

"I think you already knew. Nagisa maybe told you."

"Yeah... Maybe I know."

"Yeah... I have HIV. And also, I'll be had it since I was born. Do you understand what I mean?"

She could not answer. After a while, she said. "You mean... I can have HIV." She looked his eyes. He also looked her eyes and nodded.

"You should check. I am so sorry not to have used condoms. Please get tested."

She could not say anything.

"If you worry, I will go with you." Daigo said so kindly.

"Don't say so easily! Since I heard about it from Nagisa, I worried and thought so many times! But... I do not have courage to check. If I have HIV, what should I do? I could not say anyone!" Miki started crying.

"If you have HIV, you need treatment. If you know early, you can find a better way. Even if you have HIV, you can do everything! Please look at me!" Daigo told his real feeling.

"Don't say "if you have HIV," again!" Miki said and run away to her house.

When she came back home, she got a mail from Daigo. In the mail, he made an apology. She read the mail and fell a sleep.

The next day, was Saturday. She woke up and thought about HIV again. After a while, she decided to check. She changed her clothes and left her home. On the way to the health center, she sent a mail to Daigo. "I will check my body today." She entered to the health center.

After the inspection, she felt better. She had to wait for a week to get the result. During the week, she forgot about HIV.

A week after, she looked her datebook and thought she had to go to the health center to get her result. Next day was Saturday, so she decided to go.

The next day, she was nervous. It was an unprecedented feeling. At the health center, she handed in her paper and got her result.

"You have HIV." The instructor said. Miki had a very big damage. "You should go to the hospital and get treatments. There is a list of the good hospitals for AIDS, so please go one of them." The instructor gave advice to her, but Miki could not hear anything.

On the way to her house, she cried. "I have HIV. I have HIV..." She said again and again. She felt lonely, so she called Daigo.

"I have HIV... I can not live any more." Miki said. Her voice was very weak.

"Are you all right? You are young, so you can do anything you want, like me!"

"But... If everyone knows I have HIV, they will leave from me. I do not want to be alone." Miki could not stop crying.

"You need the person who can understand you. Why don't you tell Nagisa? She always thinks about you."

"But, she doesn't know about us."

"You should tell a lie."

"To her? I can not do it! She is my best friend."

"Of cause, I know. But sometimes telling a lie can be kindness." He said.

"But, if she knew about us, she would hate me."

"When you tell a kind lie, you must not tell a truth until you die. Even if you don't say about HIV, she will notice about it. It is difficult to hide about your illness. We can hide our relationship. If we tell about it, it can hurt her. We should not tell."

She understood his idea and said "OK, I will tell her about my illness."

When she went back home, she told her parents. "I have big news. Please listen to me. I went to the health center and checked my body. I found I have HIV." Her parents could not say anything.

"Why do you have HIV?" Her mother said.

"Maybe... from my ex-friend."

"Really? Didn't you use a condom?" Her mother got angry.

"I am really sorry. I really reflect on it." Miki said. At the first time, her mother got angry. However, after a while, her mother decided to cooperate with her treatment.

On the next day, Miki went to school. She waited to Nagisa to tell something. "Good morning!" Nagisa came to her.

"Good morning, Nagisa! Well, I have news to tell you, so please come to the rooftop at the lunch time?"

"Sure! I guess you got a new boyfriend!" Nagisa laughed.

At the lunch time, they were on the rooftop.

"Nagisa, I have to tell you something. I want you to understand." Miki started talking. Nagisa looked her with smile. "I have HIV." Miki could not look at Nagisa's eyes.

"So, what?" Nagisa did not look like surprised. "My boyfriend also has HIV, so the news could not make me surprise." She said and laughed. Miki was surprised. Nagisa was a such a strong girl. Her attitude made Miki happy. Miki laughed, too.

"I am really happy! Because I have real best friend! Nagisa is a perfect girl!" Miki shouted.

Five years later, it was the day of a wedding. Everyone looked so happy. A groom and a bride came.

"Congratulation on your marriage! Daigo and Nagisa!" Miki shouted.

"Thank you, Miki!" Daigo and Nagisa said.

"I want to hear you will marry soon." They smiled at each other.

Miki thought telling a kind lie could make someone happy.